THERE´S NO SUCH THING AS THE "DOG POO FAIRY"

No hay Ratoncito Perez para las cacas de perro....

WAGES

Who should be paid more?

Those with physically demanding work? Yes.

Those with huge responsibility? No, they CHOOSE these jobs, and anyway, perks are common.

Those with temptation of stealing? No, no-one should steal.

Those few in specialised occupations? No, unless there is a dearth.

Those with more qualifications? No, they  CHOOSE to do these courses.

Those with more specialised experience? Yes.

Those under work-related stress? No, everyone has some sort of stress in their life.

Otherwise, I´d be on millions!

THE CRISIS

I remember when the crisis in its infancy was on everyone´s lips, scaremongering -  even ME... but it didn´t affect me till Oct 2010.

Who does it seriously affect?
Who should we feel sorry for?

Not the sensible rich (we don´t worry about the others),

not the funcionarios (with their job for life),

not subsidised companies,
not companies run by a single family,

not families with 2 incomes,

not those working black, who don´t contribute to the system...

No, only those who lose their jobs or businesses,

or have their hours or salaries cut, through no fault of their own, who gave no cause for complaint,

and those who have no savings,
or family to support them...

So what proportion of the population is this?

If the active working population consists of 20 million people, and those we DON´T feel sorry for are 15 million ..., we feel sorry for the remaining 5 million - out of 44 million!

Please tell me my figures are wrong!!!!!

LOVE AND HATE

Do you hate...
- civil servants who moan about wage cuts?

- middle class people who pretend to be anarchists?

- English people who can´t speak Spanish and complain about unemployment and the crisis?

- people who deny their own or partner´s alcoholism?

- hypocrites?

- slow drivers?

- weak people, who want a quiet life?

- lazy people?

- Spanish customer service?

- Spanish bureaucracy?

- hippies who pretend to not be part of society?

- musicians and other pretentious artists, who won´t take a job outside their "art"?

- people who can´t use a computer?

- people who don´t take their work seriously?

Don´t you just love...

- Spanish kids who like their parents´taste in music?

- Spanish boys that hold hands with their parents in public?

- baby animals by the roadside?

- generous people?

- strong people?

- friendly people?

- fruit trees in people´s gardens?

- people who want to talk about current events?

BRAVE or FOOLHARDY

Is being brave doing something extra-ordinarily risky?

Or is it doing it, knowing it is risky?
Or is it doing it knowingly, having weighed up the risks?

Or is it doing it ignorantly, not realising the risks?

Or is it doing it instinctively, not thinking about the risks?

Everyone thinks I come under the first or second category, but in reality I do stuff under the last
... moving to Spain, riding a motorbike, starting up business enterprises, helping drunks, stopping street fights, lending money, trusting unknown people...

For me, bravery is...

- criticising racist comments

- tolerating idiots

Move to Menorca 2007

Well, to make you all jealous... here are my first photos of where I moved to in Menorca.



 
Cats loved it, even Tiffy who was my adopted, aggressive, traumatized waif - 6 weeks and she qualified for Miss Congeniality!









 







My first flat here (yellow roof)     immortalized on a postcard!

 


<> <>Litter on the floor....

                       The view from my balcony...


 The 2 most famous features of Menorca: drystone walls and bougainvillea!







HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS

So, having lots of free time (aren´t you jealous?), and being completely UNcreative and UNartistic, I decided the first Noel I was here, to make my own Christmas cards!
This, and the sad lack of original cards on sale.
AND….having met some extremely artistic people here who waste their talent, NOT marketing their products.
My first attempt was a sponged stencil in purple of the outline of Spain, with a stick-on silver star where Madrid should be (classy, eh!), and its own trail of gold glitter. Sad thing is that no-one realised it was a map of Spain, even those who´d visited or lived here. Even those who managed to get the map the right way up! I´ll dig an unsent one out and scan it (there´s always one you don´t send for lack of an address, or the addressee leaves for their holidays before you nab them – could this be a hint as to my artistic efforts?)
Then there are the Christmas emails (not necessarily the same as the hard copy).
Then, I may recycle the email version to send out the next year on paper.
So here they are – some are scans of rejected cards in relative order:

2001




Lost control of the spray/sponge paint!

2001

This one had a message about the arrival of the Euro, and how we all got excited about it!

2002

2004

Copied this one from a torn paper idea from a German artist´s card.

2005

The Christmas lights in Madrid are ALWAYS fantastic – good source of cards!

2005

Source – lost kitten on roof of station, sitting by complete coincidence with previous Xmas´s shopping bag! Home found within 3 months – now living life of Riley in swanky gentrified area of Madrid…

2006
I love my mobile phone camera!

2006
Colour and design of stick-on ornament and ribbon vary, according to supply!

And here are 2 potential candidates for future cards:

Taken 2 Christmases ago, at a local car filter shop window – cat now deceased due to extreme old age – shortly afterwards, the shop closed, and is now a mountain sports equipment outlet – that´s progress.....

Taken last Christmas dinner!

Taken THIS Christmas dinner! I give a no-trimmings-barred dinner mid-December to catch all those who leave the country (tax-evasion is my theory…) on the mass-exodus Easyjet, teacher-filled flights to the UK. Germany, USA, on the last Friday of term.


And here we all are, worse for wear!

streetmemes

Have you heard of these? I noticed them 4 years ago in East Berlin, and when I went back at Christmas, they were everywhere (and quite scary)! Now I´ve seen a few (tame ones) in Madrid.
I think it´s to do with reclaiming the streets, the city for the ordinary people; it´s all reproduced artwork: computer printouts, photocopies, stencils and some of it´s very very ANGRY!!!!...I LOVE IT!!!
Here are my favourites from Berlin:

Did anyone check it was OK to take his photo?

This is part of a series - who is Linda?

Adult cartoons? Weird!











Very lonely - I think this is my favourite...





Or this?













You can put them anywhere, and they come in pairs too!

Creepy, huh?

This is the biggest I´ve ever seen.

And this, the most crowded! The entire thing was at least 3m long and 1m high.

Which is your favourite, and why?

See link for more...

A DAY WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS IN MADRID

Imagine if Spain´s biggest worry, the immigrants, disappeared for a day..
So… no-one to pick the fruit and veg in the hot Andalucian sun for 1 centimo an hour;
No-one to break their backs delivering fruit and veg to the markets;
No-one to deliver fruit and veg to the bars and restaurants;
No-one to cook and wait on tables of demanding customers in the bars and restaurants;
SO, NO PRE-SIESTA LUNCH THEN!

No-one to take your spoilt kids to school;
No-one to look after incontinent granny during the day;
No-one to look after incontinent granny during the night;
No-one to clean your absolutely pristine house;
No-one to iron clothes for you that they will never afford ;
AND THESE ARE ORDINARY MIDDLE-CLASS HOUSEHOLDS!

No-one to have babies, and keep the working population stable;
No-one to buy houses and flats and keep the housing market buoyant/inflated;
No-one to buy cars and keep the market growing;
No-one to use public transport and keep it viable;
MADRID WOULD COLLAPSE! (and any other city you care to mention...)
So... BE NICE TO FOREIGNERS!!!!!!

DISCOVERING POLITICS

(ex-president Aznar publicising his book, with Atocha unfortunately in the background)
In England, I never read a newspaper or watched the news. If it didn´t happen on my doorstep, I didn´t want to know.
Surprising, ´cos I´d worked in state education nearly all my working life.
I had friends who were very knowledgeable about all aspects of every newsy situation, and had a million facts at their fingertips. So I kept my mouth shut (always a bit of an effort) and listened.
When I moved to Spain, I was desperate to understand everything going on around me - felt like I´d gone deaf all of a sudden - people were talking but I couldn´t understand anything. So I learnt Spanish very fast.
I also read "Stupid White Men" like everyone else, and discovered that I could slip in little quotes from it when the occasion demanded - always prefaced with "I heard that..." (so that, if I were wrong, I wouldn´t look too stupid)
But I discovered that some friends were SO knowledgeable, they even knew the names of obscure religious leaders who might have contributed to funds that had contributed to a fundamentalist cause that...who? Bush?....(And one of these friends had the emotional IQ of a gnat)
News coverage in Spain is very good - very international and quite shocking in the gore they show (which I think is good for news-shy people like me). Bombs went off on about as regular a basis as they did in London in the 80s.
Then, on the 11th March 2003, two bombs went off 100 metres from my flat in Atocha - they shook the window panes and rattled the cats. The sound of ambulances and helicopters almost drowned out the sound of the telly that I was glued to the rest of the day.

I had to pass through the station everyday to get to work - all you could smell were candles, and see were messages and flowers and people with wet eyes...OK, I admit it, the smoke got in MY eyes too...
The general elections flipped the whole country over like a fluffy tortilla: a normally complacent race, who had become apathetic in their politics, given to believe that nothing could be done about the Iraq war, Afghanistan, or Bush, suddenly discovered that their vote counted - big time.
I was with some friends the night of the elections. We´d gone to the PP (govt) headquarters to watch the socialists get whipped again, and realisation dawned (accompanied by wide grins) that the people in our bar were looking progressively sicker.
I strolled into the middle of a small crowd of flag-waving Govt supporters and, really, just for the hell of it, started to chant "Asesino, tú y tu partido!" (Sorry, doesn´t have the same ring in English.)

Well, I´d never been bashed over the head with a flag by a member of the upper-middle classes, and certainly never been socked in the jaw by a middle-aged gentleman, so I was slightly taken aback!
Naturally, I started chanting (shouting by this point) even louder...till I was hauled away by a police officer. One photographer, running down the road, alongside us, kept repeating "Wasn´t she great?"
I kept shouting "I want to talk to a British camera crew....." The place was flooded with media from all over Europe.
The police demanded to see my identity card, took down all my details and said "Why did you do it? They could´ve killed you!"
So I replied "Freedom of speech dead and buried in this country is it? - I was merely expressing my opinion out loud...very loud..."
He asked me where I lived (to check that the identity card was really mine), and I said "Atocha", at which point his expression took on that hang-dog look, that had become common in recent days.
He booted me off the street and told me not to come back. So me and my friend took refuge in a couple of ciders in a nearby Irish pub, and nursed my jaw.
For two months, people crept about their business in my barrio; I started biting my nails again (so sorry for everyone); business was bad at my local pet shop.
So, being a bit of a fan of the BBC News website, I browsed (in this order)...Spanish elections...ETA...Spanish history... the Iraq war...9-11...Bush...ETA...the IRA...Palestine... And by the end, I had folders and folders on my hard drive of STUFF. And then I browsed...the New York Times... Antiwar.com...the Guardian...Michael Moore´s website...
As Autumn closed in, and the terraces closed, I changed the bar I go to for morning coffee. Not spectacular in itself maybe, but the bar had a newspaper, El País, delivered every morning, and I did some more browsing...
I became obsessed, and now BUY the paper, and even CUT OUT interesting articles! Yes, ring the loony bin now...
My conversations now start "I have a theory, see what you think..."
Go on, ask me; ask me anything...

P.S. do you like my photos?

me...

carnival, 2005
champagne tea at the Dorchester, 2002 Christmas, 1999, Puerta del Sol

the day I left England, 1999

yuppie, 1988

1969

BERLIN

Last Christmas, I spent a week in East Berlin with my friend Julia. It was freezing, and started snowing while I was drawing - this is a square near her house.

And here is her landing - Berlin flats have courtyards too!

On New Year´s Eve, Julia had to work in her bar, so I hung out there, people-watching, and practising my crap German on the locals!
Do you know what streetmemes are? I discovered them in Berlin (pics soon!) and they´re starting to appear in Madrid now...

AM I AN IMMIGRANT?

Inmigrantes: a Spanish word meaning "nasty, criminal foreigners of a different colour, who come over in boats to sponge off our Social Security System."
Immigrants: an English word meaning "foreigners living here."

I, unfortunately, am easily confused between the two definitions - English, but look South American. Typical first encounters with Spanish people…

"Papers, papers…" (= if you have sex with me, I´ll get you legal papers here)
"You´re from Brazil, aren´t you? My girlfriend is, and she speaks Spanish just like you!"
"So, which part of Peru are you from?"
"Your English is really good: which part of Peru are you from?"
"From London! No, but where are you REALLY from?"
" From London! Are you sure?"
"But you´re not blonde, with blue eyes!"
"I went to England once and hated the weather and the food."
"Is it true that you can´t walk down the street for all the umbrellas bumping into each other?"
"Here for the sunny weather, are you?"

Good retorts are:
"When was the last time you were in London?" (Only to people you know have never been outside Spain)
"I earn twice as much as you, have double the number of qualifications, and you´d have to be much better looking to have sex with me!"
"Gibraltar"
"Trafalgar"
"Security!!!!!"

And as for the look on their faces (priceless) and their change in attitude (smarmy, servile grin) when I open my gob and...
(a) they realise that I´ve been listening to all their comments about South Americans,
(b) they realise I´m NOT South American,
(c) they realise I´m English...

And they say "But of course, we don´t mean YOU..."

And who can blame them? They wouldn´t dare approach most stereotypical foreigners from rich countries, let alone address them that way. And those that don´t conform to their stereotype are too polite (especially South Americans) to confront them about their comments.

And yet, none of these are considered offensive, because…
(a) it´s inconceivable that it is humanly possible to insult someone from a poor country – they should be grateful we´re even speaking to them…
(b) we can insult anyone, as long as they are in our country…

Unfortunately, you can only win the Battle (Trafalgar...), not the war, because their retort will be:
"Well, if you don´t like it, go back to your own country!"
Though, not being a confrontational nation, they´ll never say it to your face...

PONCY ARTWORK

Being self-employed is great - you can do stuff you were crap at at school! Look how I´ve been teaching myself to draw...

My pride and joy...imagine sitting here, on balmy nights, after a tough evening out in Madrid, sipping wine, before tucking myself up in bed...


The view from the balcony, before they pulled this 150 year-old building. The view now is great,
but I did like the building - it looked like I lived in an old Spanish pueblo...

A 1920´s cafe on Paseo Recoletos: I stopped here for a coffee, the day I found out I´d won my case against the traffic police for not having a valid driving licence (I have a British one!)


I happen to live next to a huge railway station (Atocha), with a tropical garden inside!

Can´t draw live things, so this is my aquarium without fish...

Next instalment - drawing of Berlin and Mallorca!!

EDUCATION REFORM AGAIN!!

Big deal at the moment about the umpteenth Education Bill Reform here (see previous post "The State of Teaching") Previous and the present Govts are once again trying to improve education in Spain…flogging a dead horse if you ask me!
To add more weight to all this: in London, I was a card-carrying Union rep, and would NEVER have thought of criticising another teacher´s professionalism - here, I do it through Teacher-Training courses...
Here are my Dumbledore-type pronouncements – do tell me if I start to rant unreasonably:
- pay teachers according to the responsibilities they take on, not the number of years served (note British state education, circa 1985): for example, someone with a whip, who goes round, telling staff to put children´s work on the walls, ignoring cries of "What for?? How??);
- ban photocopiers in Primary schools (unless it´s the Xmas party and you´re going to photocopy your bum…);
- ban textbooks (which parents have to pay for, and children develop humpbacks carrying around);
- take all the books out of their dusty display cabinets in school libraries, and put them in racks, for the children to get at. Then, LET THE CHILDREN IN THE LIBRARY!!
- don´t tell kids to study at home, without showing them how;
- don´t teach kids capital letters, when everything in the world is written in lower case;
- explain to teachers that they are not merely babysitters
- send teachers and Heads on anti-racism and pro-gypsy courses (no, that doesn´t involve flamenco lessons…);
- completely revise the Teacher Training courses – more about teaching kids and less about legislation – and a teaching practice where students have to do more than pick their noses for 5 weeks (oooh! how controversial!)
- let Governors (parents, teachers and Heads recruit teachers (especially good ones!) rather than civil servants in far-away offices;
- don´t choose Head teachers by lottery;
- give Heads budgetary control (and then teach them to count further than 10);
- take Education out of the "civil servant" system: teachers will NOT then have a job for life, will have to apply for jobs ; possibly ending up unemployed, but much happier;
- make it easier (ie. carry out EU regulations) for foreigners to teach in Spain, bringing new (well, more modern than 1605) ideas into schools;
- tell teachers not to despise immigrant families who speak more languages, and have more brain cells than they do.

MADRID DAYS

Impressive, huh? Colon...



A cloudy day in Leganés....the Simpsons....











The Crystal Palace in Retiro Park....






Two palm trees at Neptuno...












Does YOUR city have its own Egyptian temple...?